somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You need Xanax blowdarts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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