i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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