I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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