She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize