everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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