In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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