hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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