I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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