it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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