Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't put those talents on a resume
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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