Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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