We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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