i can't believe i had my finger in that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize