ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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We had sex on a dog bed..
So much Jack, so little girl.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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