Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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