just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize