brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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