someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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