Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize