Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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