I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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