and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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