I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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