i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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