Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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