A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize