i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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