I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize