Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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