The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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