bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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