I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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