I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize