Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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