Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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