phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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