it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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