You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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