good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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