she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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