Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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