God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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