I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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