everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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