Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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