Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize