Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize