My hand turned me down
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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