i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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