my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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