i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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