I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't just leave with hair like that
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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